Love, guilt and other shenanigans

Have you ever found yourself mesmerized by other people? On the street or in public transportation, and not just by what they look like, how they behave and move, what they read, what they are drinking and their interaction with other passengers (i called them riders)?

It is a great source of inspiration for a writer, but I have found myself measuring myself up to other people for pretty much most of my life.

There a chronic feeling of inadequacy, the ‘not’ factor ( not tall enough. not thin enough, not..something)

It is a widespread phenomenon and one that has taken control over me for most of my adult life.

And I wonder, where is this coming from? When did I become ‘not enough’?

Is this affects mostly women? Is this what we do to ourselves?

When I became a mother, the not factor syndromme got aggravated. I was never good enough as other mothers, so I thought, had  trouble setting up a routine for my little one, was obsessed with breastfeeding even if my baby would not take it and I isolated myself for at least three months while I was navigating the wonders of  family life with a baby and household chores.

Overtime I have learned to live with ´not´´, but it hasnt gone away entirely.

And then, somewhere in the instagram chaos I found  free sessions with a life coach.

I did not know what it was, but I trusted my intuition

The sessions were a game changer. Between snippets of the should and ramblings about obsession and bouts of anxiety I managed to stored ‘Mr Not’ in a small drawer in the closet of my memory.

It sometimes comes out on random occasions, uninvited as usual, but always returns to the closet.

And this is me, in a very small nutshell, love nutrition and my little gremlins and want to find ways to empower all these mums out there that suffer from the same syndrome.

Hold my hand and walk with me.

Thanks for being there

 

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